Hey schmeckles!

As of now I have 4 weeks left of my beautiful summer break. After that it's back to harsh reality. Anyway, let me fill you in of what I currently am up to. I am still not dead. Like I said, that won't happen until my actual death.

Anywho..

I am currently following an online course to draw better. I want to teach myself more stuff to become a better artist, and to become happy with my work. Lately I am quite depressed about my skill. It is so incredibly off putting if something doesn't go right with my drawing. If I can't get it to look how I wanted, I have the urge to give up. You have so many people creating incredible content, and in such a short time also. And here I am.. taking months to make a single comic. Now, I haven't actually been working on a comic for weeks. I have been busy making sketched storyboards for Pencilmation these past few weeks. I am so glad the creator contacted me last year. He's incredibly nice and has motivated me to keep drawing. He might not even know all this about me, that I am quite.. I am not sure how to put it. I feel rather sad than depressed. Perhaps a mix of both. But yeah, working with him has been amazing, and he even purchased an Adobe Animate License for me, as long as I work for him, which truly just had me.. I was so surprised. That is the nicest thing ever! In the end, to thank him, I want to repay him back for everything. I strive to learn a lot in Adobe Animate and can't wait to create good animations. It's slightly stressfull since I get this program for free, basically. I feel like I MUST achieve greatness. I will try of course, but fear that I may not become good enough. 

Onto becoming better! 

Recently I purchased a sketchbook and will draw daily. I strive to become better. I've never kept a serious sketchbook before. I will follow online courses, Youtube tutorials and other possible ways of learning. I am also interested in making great caricature drawings. These are so much fun, but I haven't tried that yet.

It's really tough since a lot of advice from great artists is to draw every day, to keep learning, to do lots of things and never be afraid. That last one counts especially for a sketchbook. I tend to treat everything I make as something that needs to be perfect. So I need to release myself from that and act "kewl" and "loose" and just draw for fun in my sketchbook and learn new techniques in there. However, I don't know when I am doing good. Artists say to learn new things everyday and such, but what about my usual cartoony comics about Worms and whatnot? I love doing that. Is it wrong to keep doing that then? Since it's not different or whatever.. I do hope that once I learn new things I can implement those techniques into my cartoony comics to make these better and improve in quality also!

It's just that I sometimes feel I do not improve whatsoever. That's probably also because I don't draw ENOUGH at all. I give up so quickly or feel too tired. In the end, that depresses me even more. I procrastinate way too much. It is incredibly difficult to stay productive.

To me, drawing is fun, although I do strive to obtain a living with it. Whether it be with a webcomic series or some form of animations on Youtube. But do I have what it takes? Probably not, by a long shot. But that doesn't take away the fact that I will at least TRY!

What do I have to lose? Nothing. Well.. Perhaps time. I am scared to indulge too much time for nothing. What if I am just wasting my time? If I feel like I am going nowhere in the end, then my plan is to quit drawing and to focus on becoming something that will give me the chance to travel a lot around this beautiful world. I was thinking about a volunteer to save animals from all over the place. That'd be great! I don't want to spend my life in a normal day job that I don't like. It's either drawing or animal rescue around the world.

If both aren't possible? Who knows what I might end up doing...

Anyway.. This was quite the write up. I just felt like I should at least inform the fans that I have about my whereabouts. I am really sorry if you expected more from me. I am quite unstable in my art career. Not knowing how to handle it efficiently and such..

I will sign off with this. I will keep trying to create fun content as long as I am having fun with it also. That won't be an issue however. I've always drawn for the pure fact that is is fun to do. But not improving can quite hurt the enjoyment..

Have a great weekend everyone!