Hey all!

I've made my own portfolio website! Will be updating this as time goes on with future works. Mainly using it to showcase my work to potential hirers. :)

Check it out and let me know what you think of it!

https://www.doodlinghitman.com/

Yesterday the team and I received a message from our boss that sadly, with how things have been going, it isn't sustainable anymore and we are being let go as of December 23rd. Work itself ends sooner, which for me will be the 6th of December. That'll be my last work day.

This did not entirely came unexpected, but I still thought we were doing alright and were going to be able to continue for a while. At least well into 2024.

This was with Pencilmation. However, work on Pencilmation already concluded much earlier, as it just didn't do well anymore. So we tried a lot of other stuff. GMOD animations as well at one point, with Mario. That ultimately did not do well either and we went back to creating a new animation channel, focused on current trends. It started off with Garten of Banban stuff, but ultimately we did only Skibidi stuff. It was quite an adjustment, but in the end, I do think we all made some funny stuff with it regardless. And some videos did pretty good, but unfortunately it just wasn't sustainable.

Me and several others were let go. A lot of the team was also let go last year during December, when Pencilmation itself just kept tumbling down. It's really sad to see a team that I worked with, having to rely on the sinister workings of Youtube.. It definitely is not easy.

I have worked with Pencilmation since November 2016, where I was contacted by the boss himself to try out a storyboard, which he loved! And from there on out, I kept working with them. A total of 7 fantastic years have I worked there! Learned so much, met several great artists and made some new friends too. I will keep in touch with most of them, but it does suck that all this came to an end.

Unto new adventures I suppose, lol

I am not well. This means more than just me not feeling right in my mind. I am depressed, but I also am not well towards others. I make people I am close with very unhappy. I feel unhappy.

Life is weird. I do not know what to think of it anymore. I keep going, trying to keep my head above water etc. That's all there is at the moment.

I lack motivation, charm and self esteem. I bring nothing to the table. I'll never become anything.

I've been an extreme disappointment to someone I am supposed to give every ounce of my love to. I do not know what causes me to keep making mistakes. I do not understand what is wrong with me or if I can ever fix myself.

I don't know why I am even writing this. I don't want to cause other people any trouble. I don't want to be the reason for someone else giving up, so please, do not let this rant mess with you personally in any way whatsoever. I am responsible for my own failure here, please don't let that include yours.

I don't do much personal art anymore. I have stopped trying animation too. I still work, but.. It's all rather unstable/unsecure at the moment, and I could face losing my job in the near future, potentially. It's a wait and see. What I'd do if I did lose my job, I wouldn't know. I do not have any positive outlook on life in order for me to want to chase after something, like opportunities, jobs etc. I just want out, to be honest.

However, doing something to myself is just not feasible. I lack the courage. I've thought about it, a lot, but it is just not something I could pull off.

I will try to better myself, but I have not improved on that in the last few years, so I am not positive on that phrase anymore. It is starting to feel like a lie, like I am slowly realizing who I truly am.

This is not a "pity me" post. I will not allow comments nor will I respond to any private messages. I just wanted to write this out in the open, for some reason. It feels good in a certain way, to get it off my chest. There have been some really great people on here that I have had the courtesy of to speak with, so it feels appropriate to thank all of you.

Thank you

I will sign off on that. I will probably be back in the future at some point, who knows. I'm just not looking forward to anything anymore. Perhaps only my death, as stupidly edgy as that might sound.

Have a great day,

Cheers

2022 sure has been a weird start so far. work was facing a drop, but luckily I kept my job and things seem to improve again! i am now also trying a bit more to learn animation with help from a good friend.

Life is still hard though. lots of personal things that have happened over 2020-2021... but i try to keep a strong mindset and live life the best way I possibly can. :)

Oh and hey, gta 6 finally got officially confirmed to be in the making! or, more so the next entry in the gta series. so, i am kinda curious to see where that will go..

Cheers!

this post is just to inform those who used to follow me for whatever reason that I am no longer on twitter. it's been nice actually. twitter was often a negative place to me. lots of dumb arguments and hate.

in case curious, the words "retarded, retards" is what got me suspended. I expressed these words towards a post where people were being hateful and racist, so i called them retards, but i guess twitter loves racists and people who spread hate because i got suspended before, for calling a racist a retard.

i do not know where i will post my drawings from now on. newgrounds is kind of a hassle to me with all the things you have to set-up to post a doodle. i did recently make an instagram account, but that was more to get access to the account of my work.

i usually post some of my doodles here and there in discord groups, but that is about it. i mostly work on Pencilmation, so a lot of personal work/doodles aren't made anyway, which is fine.

so all in all, i am not dead, but i am not going to be active much on social media anymore.

adios! :)

Hello everyone,

I sincerely want to apologize for my lack of uploads, but do know that I am actually drawing. Mostly just storyboards. 
I am currently putting in most of my drawing time on sketching storyboards for pencilmation. It's fucking fantastic, but I could do a whole lot more. I need to defeat my laziness, which I really want to work on. Gonna start exercising for a little bit each day from now on and gain my energy later on so I won't be so sleepy all the time. My condition is really terrible since I couldn't even do a simple push up this morning...

Onto something else. 

The greatest thing has happened to me! I found my perfect soulmate!!!  :D
She is absolutely stunning, gorgeous, talented as hell and such a kind sweetheart! I couldn't be more happier and I will be meeting up with her personally this year in July. I can't fricking waaaaaiiiiitttt!!!!  :'D

I've been doodling with her which I have enjoyed so much, it's literally a dream come true. Talking with her each day is what I look forward to doing the most. She makes me incredibly happy!  <3

So that's also why I haven't really been uploading anything.. But it is going really great with my life.  :D

Also, many special thanks to you, Syrupmasterz!

You've been a wonderful person and extremely helpful and nice! I can't thank you enough for all the support you've given me! You've truly helped me out a lot during difficult times, and I just wanted to let you know that I'll never forget that. I owe you lots! Hit me up if you ever need anything bro, I will do everything in my power to help you out as well!  :)

That is all! ^3^

Hello my dear children,

My activity regarding uploading illustrations has been scarce as of lately. However.. There is some good news. News that might change this.

As some of you may know, I always felt too tired to draw for myself after I had gotten home from my internship at Kompas and school. Also, usually when I had my projects finished for Pencilmation, I called it quits. But here's the sexy thing. I have arranged (with Pencilmation and school) that I can use my remainder of my internship days for Pencilmation. What does that mean? It means I no longer have to leave my home to work for other companies. I can stay at home 24/7 and work on my drawings! As long as my projects with pencilmation are finished and the few school related assignments as well.

Oh, and I started to get interested in NSFW art. I might start doing that more often as well. Another small thing is, I haven't drawn at all in my sketchbook like I said in my last post. I maybe have 1/5 of it filled up. I still want to draw as much as I can, and want to learn new things. Those online courses I said I would follow. Well, I haven't completed a single one yet. I think I lost interest, I dunno.

I am not sure how to put it, but.. I am not a great artist. I don't draw as much as I should. It's this rotten feeling that says "ah. just draw another time.. go do this for now..". And then I read things from other artists that wish they could do more, but their equipment is broken or something. Meanwhile, I sit here with everything functioning, but not using it a whole lot. I feel like I am a dissapointment. I want to.. KICK this stupid feeling in the ass and become a happy artist. And now is the time that I finally get the chance to. I have all the time right now. However, with that in mind, it feels like an obligation or pure pressure to become good. Like, "he's got so much time, but he's being a lazy fuckhead".

I want to change all that. I want to become better, happier and healthier at all of this. I know it will take time, but damn it, I want to try as much as I can! So expect to at least see way more uploads in 2018 than in 2017.

Have a fantastic new years, everyone! Happy 2018!

Hey schmeckles!

As of now I have 4 weeks left of my beautiful summer break. After that it's back to harsh reality. Anyway, let me fill you in of what I currently am up to. I am still not dead. Like I said, that won't happen until my actual death.

Anywho..

I am currently following an online course to draw better. I want to teach myself more stuff to become a better artist, and to become happy with my work. Lately I am quite depressed about my skill. It is so incredibly off putting if something doesn't go right with my drawing. If I can't get it to look how I wanted, I have the urge to give up. You have so many people creating incredible content, and in such a short time also. And here I am.. taking months to make a single comic. Now, I haven't actually been working on a comic for weeks. I have been busy making sketched storyboards for Pencilmation these past few weeks. I am so glad the creator contacted me last year. He's incredibly nice and has motivated me to keep drawing. He might not even know all this about me, that I am quite.. I am not sure how to put it. I feel rather sad than depressed. Perhaps a mix of both. But yeah, working with him has been amazing, and he even purchased an Adobe Animate License for me, as long as I work for him, which truly just had me.. I was so surprised. That is the nicest thing ever! In the end, to thank him, I want to repay him back for everything. I strive to learn a lot in Adobe Animate and can't wait to create good animations. It's slightly stressfull since I get this program for free, basically. I feel like I MUST achieve greatness. I will try of course, but fear that I may not become good enough. 

Onto becoming better! 

Recently I purchased a sketchbook and will draw daily. I strive to become better. I've never kept a serious sketchbook before. I will follow online courses, Youtube tutorials and other possible ways of learning. I am also interested in making great caricature drawings. These are so much fun, but I haven't tried that yet.

It's really tough since a lot of advice from great artists is to draw every day, to keep learning, to do lots of things and never be afraid. That last one counts especially for a sketchbook. I tend to treat everything I make as something that needs to be perfect. So I need to release myself from that and act "kewl" and "loose" and just draw for fun in my sketchbook and learn new techniques in there. However, I don't know when I am doing good. Artists say to learn new things everyday and such, but what about my usual cartoony comics about Worms and whatnot? I love doing that. Is it wrong to keep doing that then? Since it's not different or whatever.. I do hope that once I learn new things I can implement those techniques into my cartoony comics to make these better and improve in quality also!

It's just that I sometimes feel I do not improve whatsoever. That's probably also because I don't draw ENOUGH at all. I give up so quickly or feel too tired. In the end, that depresses me even more. I procrastinate way too much. It is incredibly difficult to stay productive.

To me, drawing is fun, although I do strive to obtain a living with it. Whether it be with a webcomic series or some form of animations on Youtube. But do I have what it takes? Probably not, by a long shot. But that doesn't take away the fact that I will at least TRY!

What do I have to lose? Nothing. Well.. Perhaps time. I am scared to indulge too much time for nothing. What if I am just wasting my time? If I feel like I am going nowhere in the end, then my plan is to quit drawing and to focus on becoming something that will give me the chance to travel a lot around this beautiful world. I was thinking about a volunteer to save animals from all over the place. That'd be great! I don't want to spend my life in a normal day job that I don't like. It's either drawing or animal rescue around the world.

If both aren't possible? Who knows what I might end up doing...

Anyway.. This was quite the write up. I just felt like I should at least inform the fans that I have about my whereabouts. I am really sorry if you expected more from me. I am quite unstable in my art career. Not knowing how to handle it efficiently and such..

I will sign off with this. I will keep trying to create fun content as long as I am having fun with it also. That won't be an issue however. I've always drawn for the pure fact that is is fun to do. But not improving can quite hurt the enjoyment..

Have a great weekend everyone!

Just for the ones who are wondering why I still don't upload all that much. I know I've stated that I wanted to upload a lot in the past, and not just once a month or whatever. Of course I am still trying to put out more stuff at a faster rate, but it's just not that simple..

I am still drawing storyboards which is going great. I love the pay, so you could say I am actually drawing a lot. At the moment I have several things I am working on, but spend short time on them each day. I quickly get distracted also, and after drawing for a while I get a pain in my frickin neck/shoulder.

I am currently working on an E3 2017 drawing. E3 is this week, so I should finish that up quick. It's nothing too special. Just a fun yearly thing to do. Besides that I am doing a COTM from Drawing with Jazza. It's real fun to do! Besides that I have a Worms comic I am working on. Haven't continued on that for a couple of weeks now, lol.

Anywho, I just wanted to share with you guys that even though I don't upload regularyl, I am still alive and will keep drawing until my death!  :D

My Summer break of 11 weeks also starts in 2 weeks. I can't WAIT! I am planning to go skydiving this Summer.  :D

Hey all!

I bet you're all wondering why I haven't been uploading at all. What? No? Oh.. Well..

Anyway!

The reason I haven't been uploading much is still because of school, BUT! Not only that. I got approached by a Youtuber who has an animation channel. He saw my stuff on Tapastic and really liked it. He asked me if I would be interested in sketching out storyboards for him. I immediately agreed of course. I recently finished one storyboard and received $300 for it!

I've never been happier before, haha! For the first time I earned actual cash with my drawings!  :D

Just a day ago I received my 2nd storyboard to sketch out. So, I will be busy with that while also doing projects and stuff for college. So, I am quite busy and don't have the time right now to draw comics.

I will continue drawing comics of course. I just need to find some time. I've only got 3 more weeks of college left until Christmas break, so perhaps then I can draw more.  :)

That is all! Have a great weekend everyone!